


True Self

by LyriaBlackFrost



Series: Fool and Chariot [1]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Akira is confused (and overly affectionate), Anxiety, Fluff, M/M, Mild Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-05
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-04 12:35:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17304734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyriaBlackFrost/pseuds/LyriaBlackFrost
Summary: Akira can’t help but worry about his friends’ reactions if they ever got to see his true self. However, he has no choice on the matter after being hit by a shadow, and, by consequence, afflicted by confusion.





	True Self

**Author's Note:**

> Oh boy... I really can't write things in chronological order, can I? ~~Not that I tried that hard...~~
> 
> I hope you enjoy it! :)

Sometimes, the feeling of overwhelming loneliness was too much to take.

It wasn’t like Akira didn’t have anyone around him, on the contrary: since he started living in the Leblanc, he didn’t feel as isolated as he felt in his hometown. He had friends, and he loved them more than anything in his life.

However, sometimes, he couldn’t help but believe that they didn’t like him, or at least the “Akira Kurusu” part of him. They loved Joker… The confident leader, the one who always knew what to do, and never doubted his decisions. The part of him he so desperately wanted to be, but disappeared inside himself as soon as he stepped outside of the metaverse.

Yes… Outside of the metaverse, he was nothing but a farce: fake confidence, fake smiles, fake personality. He tried to be what others expected of him, but it was exhausting… At times, he just wanted to isolate himself again, and keep everyone away from him before they could reject him themselves.

“Hey, dude…”

The familiar tone made Akira look up. He was on the roof, on his own, and only realized Ryuji was there when he was already standing in front of him.

“Everythin’ alright?” his friend asked. “You look kinda down.”

“Nah, just tired,” answered Akira.

Ryuji sat on the floor beside him, placing an arm around his shoulders.

“I get you…” he said. “That Kaneshiro bastard was a tough one to get. Well, but things should be fine now that we stole his heart, right?”

“We’ll have to wait and see…” Akira offered Ryuji a light smile. “But it worked the last two times, so I’m optimistic.”

“Good to hear, dude.”

Ryuji smiled back, squeezing his shoulder.

“We should go to Mementos today, don’t you think?” he proceeded. “We got a few requests from Mishima to take care of.”

Akira considered the suggestion for a moment.

“Yeah,” he said, “that’s right… Is it okay for you?”

“I’m the one who suggested, dude,” reminded Ryuji with a small laugh, making Akira secretly want to slap himself. “Well, if it’s fine with you, then we should see if the others can go too.”

Akira watched as Ryuji typed a message to their group, and soon their answers came.

“Seems like they’re good with it,” said Ryuji. “It’ll be good for Makoto to get used to the place, too.”

“Yeah,” agreed Akira, also looking at those messages. “See you after class, then.”

“See ya!” answered Ryuji, messing his hair before getting up again.

Akira watched as he walked away, and a light smile formed on his lips. Ryuji’s natural friendliness made it easy to talk to him, and, thanks to that, Akira felt like he could just relax and be himself with him. He really liked Ryuji… Maybe a little too much for his own good, to the point he’d be devastated if his friend ever rejected him.

His smile soon faded, as all of his previous worries started to flood his mind again. He tried to keep them at bay as he got up as well, walking back to his classroom.

 

* * *

 

As they planned, they entered Mementos after school. Akira drove them down into that strange dungeon for a while, running over a few shadows on the way, which always made Ryuji laugh, but also made Makoto start considering taking the wheel after their next stop.

He wouldn’t deny it: being with them felt nice. As “Joker”, his worries and thoughts, despite still being there, seemed hazy and muffled, and he had enough space in his head to enjoy their company. And he really liked it.

“Joker, I think one of the targets is close!” informed Morgana after a few minutes.

“Alright,” he said. “Let’s finish it quickly.”

But, before they could reach the right place, something hit the side of Morgana, making the whole car shake. Surprised screams and groans echoed around, and Joker barely had the time to turn the wheel and avoid hitting a wall. They looked around, seeing shadows approaching them from all sides.

“An ambush?” said Ann, widening her eyes.

“There’s more of them ahead!” informed Joker. “We’ll have to fight!”

“No problem,” answered Ryuji, grabbing his weapon as he jumped outside.

With the six of them together, it wasn’t hard to fight those enemies. The real problem was their number, which seemed to keep increasing despite their efforts.

“One of them seem to be calling for backup!” said Morgana. “I’ll try to find it, while you guys keep the others distracted!”

“I’ll help you!” said Ann, following the cat.

With that, Akira, Ryuji, Yusuke, and Makoto kept fighting, trying to keep their backs turned to each other as they dispatched as many shadows as they could.

“I need healing,” said Yusuke, who had been hit by fire magic.

“Leave it to me,” answered Makoto. “Joker, Skull…”

She didn’t need to finish her sentence for them to understand what she meant. Ryuji and Akira stood closer to their companions as Makoto used her healing magic, keeping those attacks from hitting them.

“You think Panther and Mona are okay?” asked Ryuji. “They’re gone for a while now.”

“We need to trust them,” said Akira. “Just focus on keeping the shadows distracted.”

Ryuji gritted his teeth, but ended up agreeing. Soon enough, Yusuke and Makoto were fighting again, however, that long battle was starting to make them feel exhausted.

“Their numbers are slowly decreasing,” said Makoto. “We just need to hang in there a little longer.”

“How much is _a little_ longer?” asked Ryuji.

“I don’t know,” she admitted, “but complaining won’t help.”

Ryuji didn’t question her words. Long minutes passed before they heard the sound of a car approaching, followed by the screeches of many shadows as Morgana ran over them. Ann jumped outside, using her fire magic to wipe out a few enemies.

“Sorry for the wait…” said Morgana, changing his form and joining the battle. “There were many of them calling for backup. We had to make sure we had finished them all before coming back.”

“Are you guys alright?” asked Ann, glancing at them.

“Gettin’ by,” answered Ryuji. “Glad you’re back, though.”

Ann smiled at him, before using her whip to get rid of another shadow. Yusuke took advantage of that moment to use Mabufu, incapacitating a few enemies in the process.

“We can do it together!” shouted Morgana. “Everyone, attack now!”

They did as he said, hitting those shadows with all they had. Many of them fell, and the ones still standing seemed weakened by their combined attack.

“It’s almost over,” said Makoto.

They focused on getting rid of the remaining shadows one by one. It seemed that battle would come to an end without further incidents, when Akira noticed a shadow charging up. He looked in the direction it was facing, seeing Ann there, too distracted by finishing another shadow with her magic to notice it.

“Panther, watch out!”

Joker ran in her direction, tackling her out of the way. However, he soon realized there wouldn’t be enough time for him to avoid that attack as well.

“Joker!” he heard her voice somewhere close to him.

The shadow was just a few inches away from him, and Akira could do nothing but close his eyes and brace himself for the impact.

 

* * *

 

Ryuji noticed what Akira was about to do a second before he dashed in Ann’s direction. He tried to reach Akira, but the shadow moved faster, hitting his friend with a physical attack strong enough to make him fall on his back.

“Joker!” he screamed, feeling a wave of anger boiling inside his chest. “You fuckin’ bastard!”

He hit the shadow with his pipe, making it dissolve into dark dust. Then, without thinking about anything else, he approached Akira, kneeling on the floor beside him.

“Joker, are you alright?” he asked, placing an arm under his friend’s back, helping him sit. “Hey, dude… Talk to me.”

Akira groaned in response, but didn’t move. Ryuji searched him for wounds, but, at least at first glance, there didn’t seem to be any serious injuries. Another groan made him look again at his friend, who opened his eyes.

“Joker!” he said, a little relieved.

Akira turned his eyes to him, but didn’t say anything, seeming a little lost.

“Are you hurt?” asked Ryuji. “Is somethin’ wrong?”

“My head hurts…”

“Did you hurt it when you fell?”

Akira didn’t answer, simply staring at Ryuji for a while.

“Ryuji…” he said.

“What is it?”

Instead of answering, Akira leaned in Ryuji’s direction, resting against his body, letting out a small sigh. For a moment, Ryuji almost freaked out at the thought that his friend could be passing out, but soon he heard Akira’s low voice again.

“This is good…” he said.

Ryuji didn’t have the time to react to those words, because soon Ann was beside them, looking at Akira with a worried expression.

“Is he alright?” she asked. “He… He tried to protect me.”

Hearing Ann’s voice, Akira turned his face to her direction.

“Ann…?” he called.

“Yes, it’s me…” she said, carefully brushing the hair away from his forehead. “He doesn’t look well…”

Akira simply stared at her for a long while, then reached for her face, fingertips lightly brushing her cheek.

“Ann…” he repeated. “Why are you so beautiful?”

The question took her by surprise.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re so damn beautiful…” he proceeded. “Beautiful eyes, beautiful hair, beautiful nose… Fuck, this is so unfair… Let me be a little beautiful too.”

“Akira…”

Before she could say anything, Akira offered her a chuckle, followed by a bright smile.

“Just kiddin’!” he said. “You can keep all the beauty to yourself… You can keep ‘cause you’re so nice… and cool… and amazing…” Suddenly, his smiling face gave place to a serious one as he stared into her eyes. “I swear I’ll fuckin’ murder anyone who ever talks shit about you again.”

“I… Thank you.” Ann forced a smile at Akira, then turned her eyes to Ryuji, muttering: “He’s definitely not fine.”

“I can see it…” answered Ryuji, glancing at his other companions, who were just finishing that battle. “Hey, can someone help him? He’s completely out of it.”

The other three approached them, and soon Akira’s weird behavior called their attention.

“Seems like a status ailment,” said Makoto, turning her attention to Morgana. “Mona, do we have anything that could help?”

“Try this,” he said, offering her a tiny, bluish orb.

Makoto took the item in her hand, then turned to face Akira.

“Here, Joker…” she said, showing him the small orb. “This should make you feel better.”

“Okay, mamakoto…”

Makoto widened her eyes at the unexpected nickname, and Ryuji had to make a big effort to hold back his laugh.

“Mama… koto…?” she repeated.

“Yeah…” answered Akira. “You’re like our mother! And you look so cool with your motorcycle… So, so cool… Kinda scary, but _sooo_ cool. Can you be my mother too? No, wait…” he frowned, narrowing his eyes at her. “You already are, aren’t you?”

He seemed genuinely confused about that matter.

“I’m not…” answered Makoto in a patient tone. “I’m only a year older than you. Now, open your mouth.”

He obeyed, and she carefully placed the orb inside his mouth. They waited for about a minute, which should be more than enough for it to start taking effect.

“How do you feel?” asked Makoto.

Akira stayed silent for a moment, as if trying to find the answer.

“Weird.”

Saying that, he leaned his body to the side, falling in Makoto’s lap, hugging her waist.

“I’m tired…” he grumbled.

Makoto seemed frozen in place. She looked around, silently asking for help, and both Ryuji and Ann came to her rescue, making a considerable effort to free her from Akira’s grasp, keeping their friend between both of them to make sure he wouldn’t fall.

“It didn’t seem to help,” said Ann. “Do we have anything else?”

“I don’t think so,” answered Morgana. ”But, if we give it some time, it should heal by itself.”

Neither of them had the time to answer, since now Akira’s attention was on the cat.

“Morgana!” he said in a loud, happy voice. “He’s the cutest cat in the world, isn’t he? Tiny and squishy, and—”

“I’m a human!” protested Morgana, frowning at him.

“That’s right!” agreed Akira without any question. “You’re the cutest human! So warm, and soft…”

Morgana sighed, defeated.

“Well… I guess this cat form really is soft,” he admitted.

“I like you so much!” proceeded Akira, and then his face slowly changed to a contradicted pout. “But you’re always telling me to sleep when I don’t want to… Why do I have to fucking sleep?”

“Because everyone needs to,” tried to say Makoto.

“Bullshit…” grunted Akira, crossing his arms. “I don’t need no sleep… I’m a Phantom Thief! Phantom Thieves need no fuckin’ sleep!”

As he said that, his head fell against Ryuji’s shoulder, who placed a hand on it, absentmindedly playing with his hair.

“We can see it, dude…” he said in an amused tone.

Ann looked at them for a moment, then, as if hit by an amazing idea, she approached Yusuke.

“Wait a minute…” she said. “Now I’m curious.”

Without giving him enough time to protest, she placed an arm around his shoulders, using her free hand to wave at Akira, calling his attention.

“Hey, Joker…” she said in a sweet voice. “What do you think about Fox?”

“May I ask what you’re doing?” whispered Yusuke, confused.

“He’s being totally honest right now…” said Ann with a grin. “Aren’t you curious, too?”

Akira stared at Yusuke for a moment, then reached for his face with both hands, cupping it, squishing his cheeks.

“Yusuke…” he said in a serious voice. “You’re… so… Weeeeeeird!” He laughed to himself. “I love it!”

“You do?” asked Yusuke, raising his brow.

“Yeah!” agreed Akira, still laughing. “You’re so fuckin’ weird, man… And you do those amazing art things, like… Dude, how can you do it? It must be a magic power…” he lowered his voice to a whisper. “You’re a secret wizard, aren’t you?”

At that point, Ann was having a fit of laughter, while Makoto glared at her in reprehension.

“I can say for certain that I’m actually not a wizard,” answered Yusuke, a hint of amusement in his tone.

Akira didn’t seem too convinced by his words.

“You’re lying…” he said. “But that’s okay… I’ll let you keep your secrets. Becaaaause,” he raised his arm, pointing at the ceiling, “you gave me the stars, man… You gave me fucking stars that shine at night! I love those stars…” he squished Yusuke’s cheeks again, staring deep into his eyes. “I looove them. And I love you.”

“That’s really nice…” said Ryuji, again trying to make Akira let go of his companion. “Now, why don’t you sit down a little? You said you were tired, right?”

Akira stared at Ryuji’s face for a long time without saying any word, and, for a moment, Ryuji feared the ailment had finally melted his brain or something equally disturbing. Soon, however, his blank expression changed into a sweet smile.

“I like you so much…” he said in a low voice, while gently nuzzling their faces together. “You’re my favorite among everyone…”

Ryuji was sure his best friend had just accidentally caused his premature death by a heart attack, because _holy shit_ … Hearts weren’t supposed to act that way.

“Ahh…” said Ann. “Did I lose to Ryuji? Why is he your favorite, and not me?”

“’Cause he’s a dumbass,” answered Akira without any hesitation. “And I’m a dumbass… And we can be two whole fuckin’ asses together.”

Even Makoto giggled at that declaration, making Ryuji frown.

“Uh… Yeah?” said Ryuji, who wasn’t too happy with the situation. “Seems like I’m a dumbass, then…”

“You’re my favorite ass!” Akira stopped for a second, rethinking those words. “Friend! You’re my best friend! And my favorite person in the whole world… No one can beat you, dude… No one.”

Saying that, Akira buried his face against the crook of Ryuji’s neck, while mumbling to himself.

“This is so good… Can I live here?”

Ryuji felt his neck and face burning, which only became worse as Ann almost rolled on the floor from laughing.

“Don’t fuckin’ laugh!” protested Ryuji, then placed a hand on Akira’s back, gently patting it. “Shit… He’ll be embarrassed as hell when he comes back to normal.”

“Aww, you’re worried!” said Ann.

“Shuddup!” retorted Ryuji. “He’s not acting normal, so yeah… I’m fuckin’ worried, okay? Is that a problem?”

Ann raised both hands in a gesture of peace, but there was still an amused smile on her lips. Part of Ryuji knew he had overreacted a little, but he couldn’t help but feel annoyed at how much she seemed to be enjoying herself.

“I know our leader isn’t at his best state of mind right now,” said Yusuke, “but… Everything he said is what he truly thinks about us, isn’t it?” A brief, discreet laugh left his throat. “He’s usually so calm and collected… I was a little surprised.”

“That’s true,” agreed Morgana. “And, to be honest, it wasn’t that bad.”

“I have to agree,” Makoto showed a light smile. “It was a little embarrassing, but… Still a nice thing to know.”

The group exchanged brief smiles. However, the distant sound of shadows soon called their attention, and they decided to move to the nearest safe room to discuss their situation in peace. Morgana changed into his car form, and Makoto drove them a few floors up, to that small, safe area. Ryuji tried to convince Akira to walk to the bench by himself, but it only made his friend protest and grab him tighter, so he simply accepted his fate and carried him like a kid all the way, while also trying to ignore Ann’s amused giggles.

“What are we going to do now?” asked Makoto, as soon as they all sat down. “Should we keep going?”

“But he can’t fight like this,” reminded Ryuji. “And we can’t leave Mementos before he’s feelin’ better, right?”

“No way!” agreed Ann. “Just imagine taking the train with him like this… People will think he’s totally drunk!”

The group thought about their options for a moment.

“Well…” said Morgana. “Since we came this far, maybe we should defeat our target before leaving. Can you guys still fight?”

“Wait…” said Ryuji. “We can’t just go with him like this!”

“I know,” answered Morgana. “One of us should stay here with him.”

The others agreed with the suggestion.

“Maybe Ryuji is the best option, considering the current situation,” said Yusuke, indicating Akira — who was still happily mumbling against Ryuji’s neck — with a movement of his head.

“That’s fine by me,” said Ryuji, “but… Will you guys be alright on your own?”

“Don’t worry,” said Ann. “Just take care of our leader.”

Saying that, she gently caressed Akira’s hair.

“We’ll be back soon, okay?” she muttered.

The four of them soon left, and Ryuji followed them with his eyes until they disappeared downstairs.

“Where are they going?” asked Akira.

“Just gonna take care of some things,” said Ryuji. “Don’t worry, just rest for now.”

Akira nodded, getting back at his place against Ryuji’s neck.

“I like you…” he mumbled.

“I know, dude.”

“No…” protested Akira. “I really like you, Ryuji… I really, _really_ like you, you know?”

“I… guess?”

“You can’t guess… You need to know!” he answered, sounding a little angry. “I like you… I reaaaally like you.”

“Okay, okay…” Ryuji held back a chuckle. “I get it. You really like me a lot.”

“Yeah!” agreed Akira. “You’re my best friend! I can be normal around you, and you won’t hate me.”

“You mean actin’ like a nerd?

“Acting like…” he made a brief pause. “Akira.”

“You _are_ Akira,” Ryuji reminded him. “‘Course you’re acting like yourself.”

“I don’t want to… I fuckin’ hate that guy. He’s so fuckin’ stupid…”

“Again, you’re talkin’ about yourself.”

“I know… I fuckin’ hate myself.”

Ryuji was already so used to Akira’s senseless ramblings that such a heavy phrase got him by surprise.

“Hey,” he frowned at his friend, “don’t say somethin’ like that!”

“It’s true!” insisted Akira. “And you’d hate me too if you knew me!”

“What the hell are you talkin’ about? We all know you.”

“No, you don’t… If you did, you’d hate me too, like everyone does.”

His voice cracked, giving place to a low sob, and only then Ryuji realized that he was crying.

“Hey, Akira…”

“I try…” proceeded Akira. “I really try, but I’m always messing everything up. That’s why no one wants to be around me… Even my parents sent me away ‘cause I was a fuckin’ pain in the ass.”

“That’s…” Ryuji lowered his gaze, a little uncomfortable. “C’mon, it’s not like that.”

“It is!” he was starting to sound frustrated. “You guys only like me ‘cause of Joker!”

“Dude…” Ryuji took a deep breath. “I don’t know how confused you are, but listen: Akira is Joker, and you’re both of them.”

“I’m not!” he insisted. “Joker is just this guy I try to be! And I… I’m just a fucking mess… And I’m always scared you’ll find out and hate me like everyone else…”

He tightened his arms around Ryuji.

“I don’t want you to hate me too…” he added. “I don’t wanna be alone again…”

Ryuji felt Akira sobbing against his shoulder, and his chest tightened: he was so used to that bright, confident Akira that he never thought his friend would have such things on his mind. He brought Akira a little closer, in a careful hug.

“C’mon, dude…” he muttered. “I’d never hate you.”

Akira didn’t answer, just kept crying, and Ryuji didn’t try to make him talk, simply caressing his back, trying to comfort him. It took a few minutes for Akira to calm down, and another few for him to move away from Ryuji, staring at him with a confused expression.

“What was I talking about…?” he asked.

Ryuji looked at his friend, considering his next words for a moment, before offering him a light smile.

“I just told you that you’re a great friend to me, and that I’m happy I met you that day,” he chuckled, widening his smile. “Shit… I’d be dead without you, dude! And…” he placed a hand on Akira’s head, playfully messing his hair. “I got a best friend out of it too.”

Akira’s face brightened at those words.

“Yeah!” he agreed with a wide smile.

Ryuji let Akira hug him again, nuzzling against his face before letting out a long yawn.

“I’m tired…”

Saying that, he shifted his body beside Ryuji, until he was lying with the head on his lap. Ryuji watched him, still finding some amusement in how clingy his friend was acting.

“Weirdo…” he muttered.

He leaned his head back, resting it against the acrylic wall behind that bench, still thinking about what Akira had said. Even if he had just said it because of that ailment, the possibility that his friend actually felt that way bothered him.

For a long time, he had felt like that too, as if anyone who got too close to him, to the point of knowing his true self, would end up leaving him. That was a reason he never had many close friends before, so… When Akira accepted him despite all of his flaws, it made him incredibly happy.

He just wished he could make his friend feel the same way.

 

* * *

 

Ryuji only realized he had dozed off when he felt a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him. He opened his eyes, seeing Ann’s face in front of him.

“Hey,” she said. “We’re back.”

“Hey…” Ryuji looked around, needing a second to remember where he was. “Everythin’ alright?”

“It was a little tougher than we expected,” answered Morgana, “but nothing the four of us couldn’t handle.”

“How’s Joker?” asked Yusuke.

That question made Ryuji realize Akira was still sleeping on his lap. He would be lying if he said the situation didn’t make him feel a little embarrassed, but he managed to keep a cool face anyway — or so he hoped.

“Hey, Joker…” he called, shaking his arm.

Akira groaned before opening his eyes, looking around him with a puzzled face.

“How are you feelin’, dude?” asked Ryuji.

Akira looked up at him, frowning a little, as if wondering how he had ended up in that position. He got up with slightly sluggish movements, massaging the area between his eyes.

“My head hurts a little…” he said. “What happened?”

“You were hit by a shadow…” explained Makoto. “Spent some time a little out of it.”

“A little?”

“Fox!”

“Oh, my apologies.”

Akira’s face lost some of its color after hearing that.

“I… I didn’t hurt anyone, did I?” he asked.

“No,” said Morgana. “Quite the contrary, actually.”

“You kinda turned into a hug monster,” added Ann.

Akira blinked, his worry soon giving place to confusion.

“I… What?”

“Exactly what Lady Ann said…” answered Morgana. “You started hugging everyone, and saying how much you like all of us… Then you just grabbed Skull and didn’t let go anymore.”

“Yeah…” Ryuji chuckled. “You kinda looked like a koala, dude. Kept laughin’ to yourself and saying some weird stuff too.”

“And your language became at least a hundred percent more vulgar,” added Morgana. “You almost sounded like Skull.”

Ryuji frowned at that comparison.

“Whaddya mean by that?”

“Oh,” proceeded Ann, ignoring him, “and you called Fox a wizard, and said something about him giving you the stars. And complained that Mona tells you to go to sleep, because ‘Phantom Thieves need no sleep’.”

“And also called Queen your mother,” added Yusuke.

Akira’s face became more and more appalled with each addition.

“You guys are joking, right…?” he asked.

“Nah, dude…” answered Ryuji, placing an arm around his shoulders. “Everything’s true. If you don’t believe us, ask Makoto.”

Following his words, Akira faced Makoto, who sighed, offering him a small, sympathetic smile.

“That’s all true,” she said. “And you really called me your mother.”

Ryuji watched with some amusement as his friend’s face acquired a pinkish tone. Akira tried to hide his embarrassment by looking at his own lap.

“Ah…” he said. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t worry,” said Makoto.

“It’s fine!” agreed Ann. “It was kinda cute, to be honest.”

His pinkish tone quickly started to change to a bright red one, to Ann’s obvious amusement.

“Oh my God…” she said. “He’s blushing!”

Ann sat on the bench beside Akira, sandwiching him against Ryuji, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“By the way…” she said in a low voice. “I’ll also murder anyone who dares to talk shit about you.”

Akira let out a nervous laugh.

“I appreciate the feeling, but please don’t… I don’t want you to get arrested for killing everyone at our school.”

“I’ll think about it,” she answered.

After that, they stopped mocking Akira and focused on deciding what to do. Considering how exhausted they all were, they decided to go back to the real world for the moment, and work on the remaining targets on the next day.

Morgana assumed his car form, and the group went inside him, until only Akira and Ryuji were left. Ryuji had the impression Akira wanted to say something, and his instincts soon proved to be right.

“Skull…” he said in a low voice. “While I was like that, did I…” he made a pause, shifting uncomfortably in the same place. “I don’t know, say anything weird?”

“Well, yeah…” Ryuji forced an annoyed expression. “You kinda kept sayin’ we’re both dumbasses.”

Akira stared at him, and soon a chuckle escaped his lips.

“Yeah, go ahead and laugh…” Ryuji let out a dramatic sigh. “You broke my heart, dude.”

“In my defense—”

“Don’t say it.”

“—you _are_ a—”

Ryuji elbowed him in the ribs, making him laugh. Soon, however, his expression became anxious again.

“Did I say anything else?” he asked.

_Oh, fuck_ _…_

“Not really,” answered Ryuji with a shrug, hoping he would stop insisting on the subject.

Akira sighed, seeming relieved.

“I see…” he said, then forced a smile. “Well, that’s good… I think I’ve embarrassed myself enough for today.”

Ryuji observed him for a while, hesitating for a moment before taking a deep breath.

“Hey, Joker…

Before Akira could answer, Ryuji approached him, pulling him into a hug, whispering close to his ear.

“I don’t know what goes through your head sometimes, but… I really like you, okay? We all do.”

Ryuji tightened his embrace a little before completing:

“We like you the way you are, Akira Kurusu.”

Akira stood there, in silence, for a few seconds.

“Why are you saying this?” he asked.

“Just felt like it.”

Akira moved away, looking at him with some suspicion.

“I _did_ say something weird, didn’t I?”

“Nope, not at all.”

“Skull…”

Ryuji averted his gaze, not wanting to touch that subject, when something else came to his mind.

“Ah, yeah…” he made an effort to hold back a mischievous smile. “You said you like me.

That phrase got a surprised reaction out of Akira.

“No, that isn’t right…” he proceeded, pretending to be forcing his memory. “Truth is, you said you really, _really_ like me. Like, you repeated that a lot. Made me feel pretty embarrassed.”

“Oh…”

He would feel bad for Akira if his widened eyes and bright-red face weren’t so amusing to look at. Maybe he was shyer than Ryuji expected, but those words seemed to have a big effect on him. Ryuji laughed to himself: that was something he’d like to keep in mind.

“Made me really happy, though,” he added. “‘Cause, y’know… I kinda feel the same way about you.”

Akira stared at him without saying anything, and maybe his embarrassment was contagious, because soon Ryuji started to feel his face getting warm as well.

“Let’s go, now…” he said, maybe a little too nonchalant to sound natural. “The others are waiting for us.”

“Yeah…” agreed Akira, hesitating for a moment before calling: “Hey, Skull…”

Ryuji looked at him, who seemed to be struggling to find the words. In the end, he simply shook his head, offering him a small, but sincere smile.

“Thank you,” he said.

Ryuji returned the smile, placing an arm around Akira’s shoulders as they walked to the car.

 

* * *

 

Akira managed to reach the Leblanc without any problem, and even helped Sojiro with the cafe until the closing hours, having a plate of curry as dinner before going upstairs. Then, and only then, he allowed himself to despair, leaning his forehead against the wall, closing his eyes and groaning to himself.

“Akira?” said Morgana, noticing his friend’s strange behavior. “Is something wrong? Are you still feeling unwell?”

Akira didn’t answer for a while, those fairly recent events still haunting his mind.

“I like Ryuji.”

Morgana sighed at that response.

“I know…” he shook his little head. “You said it a lot today.”

Akira felt his stomach turn.

“No, Mona…” he said. “I really, _really_ like Ryuji.”

The cat stared at him for a while, until realization slowly fell upon him.

“Oh no…”

If anything, that was a great way to summarize the situation.

**Author's Note:**

> I love playing with status ailments and giving Akira anxiety. Sorry, son...
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this fic, kudos and comments are highly appreciated! ♥


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